Dream

One of the reasons why we are so far away from our goals is because we still have a limiting belief that can be a result of fear.  A month ago, I confided to my practice partner about the fear I have that seemed to hinder me from getting closer to my goal.  That fear was to be a bored and financially dependent person.  Because of that fear, I constantly go back to the old me, one who was so preoccupied with work and received steady income.  Having a steady income allowed me to be financially independent but having a job doesn’t automatically mean I get away from boredom.  In the end, having a job doesn’t get rid of my fear.  So I decided to try something drastic.  Quit my job.

Exactly 7 days ago, I submitted my resignation letter and effective today I am no longer working as a HR Director in Myanmar’s No. 1 Job Board and Recruitment company.  During the process of writing the letter, I felt heavy inside.  Am I doing the right thing?  What will I do after this?  Will my self confidence dropped for being ‘jobless’? But my fingers kept typing letter after letter, word after word and sentence after sentence despite all the questions I had floating around my mind.  

Finally the letter was ready and with a little tremble I signed it. I called my boss to a meeting room and broke the news, somehow without hesitation – a real contrast. “J…It is time for me to leave you. I want to focus on my girls and do the things I love doing. I don’t enjoy working here anymore, I’m not happy and I don’t want to be negative. So before I become more unhappy and negative, I better leave.” I guess my boss knew that it was coming, but like any other good boss and a good friend – he agreed but if the company needs me, I shall agree to help in a consulting basis. To that, I agree.

I was quite shock with how smooth I broke the news considering the mental struggle I had inside when I was writing and signing my resignation letter. All I know was I convinced myself to believe that I was under-valued, my skill set doesn’t fit with what the company require and that I better of going my own direction with mynown terms and conditions.

When I left the office that day, I was still surprised at what I just did.  My boss sent an email to the whole team about me leaving them. I started getting phone calls from some people who were quite close to me. For a moment I felt so sad. I began doubting my decision. Will I overcome my fear by resigning from this company?  My trainer said to us a month ago that for you to achieve your goal, you need to know what is the outcome of that goal.  And when the outcome can be explained by your senses and that it is ecological you will be able to internalise it and achieve it as it has become a wellformed outcome.  The first goal in my timeline was to overcome my fear and the outcome to that is to feel relieved, lighter and more enlightened.  Hmmm I did feel relieved on the way home that day.  I told my husband and kids that I have submitted my resignation and Monday, 7th of June would be my last day of work.  They were as surprise as I was.  But the evening was different from any other evening.  For the first time in the last 18 months, I spent a lot of time with the girls while my husband was busy attending to official guests.  I realised that I have missed out on a lot of things.  They have grown up so fast and I didn’t really see them g rowing up.  I felt a lot lighter that evening until we all went to bed.

The next morning I woke up feeling much more enlightened.  I switched on my laptop and started writing my blog again after it was neglected for months.  It was such an amazing feeling how words kept flowing onto the screen.  That minute I knew that I have achieved my outcome and overcome my fear.  I was so looking forward to the days after to prove to myself that though I no longer have an income I will not be bored because there is so much I can do such as start to look for opportunities to earn money at my own pace and term.  And God is so Great, five minutes later a friend (who happened to volunteer to be my object of NLP experiment) called me and asked me to go to the gym with her.  I instantly felt proud of her and of course myself because she too is closer to her goal.  We went to the gym that day, spending nearly 3 hours exercising.  How could I be bored now that my friend constantly knock on my door to take me to the gym with her.

Not only that, I also received a couple of requests for freelancing work. Again, step by step the fear of being bored and financially dependent begins to fade away. I feel happier, more enlightened and definitely not bored despite not earning anything yet.

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